My mind keeps wondering back to that week, in reveiw, its was stupid, weird, wrong and everything spring break shouldn't be.
At the beginning, my boyfriend broke up with me. It was my fault and his, but I feel uncalled for. The week before had been brutal bringing up what I hated, things I never wanted to think about. So maybe it was the first day we text, and it comes to him telling me something personal, so I change my usual habits of contained agony. I spill what had been on my mind, past friends, family troubles, everything.
He tells me he is crying for me, but thats not what I want, I just want them to listen, as I do everyday, to anyone who needs an ear. And I tell him stop, I don't need sypathy like that. It escalates, he gets mad, that I wont take his compasion for my problems, I tell him I need to just forget.
He tells me to just learn from my mistakes, that I hadn't and I need to. Thats when I become mad, I can't stand him telling me what to do about problems that don't envolve him.
The conversation had been quiet, I was still happy with my brother and sister, but now I go to the bathroom, the only place they wouldn't come in. I look in the mirror, trying to calm myself, but he only makes it worst.
The whole time I think, why is this over text, of all things. But I progressed, and yelled at him best I could. I just wanted him to shut up. I cursed, I knew he hated it but I didn't care, I wanted him to stop talking, to just leave me alone to comfort myself.
It goes on, everyone is in their rooms, so I try to calm myself again, this time scrubbing the kitchen clean, but it all persists, and it happened. He broke up with me, and all I can say is fine, I had had my doubts of the relationship before, in the beginning I didn't want it at all, but I said yes, he was my friend, and I did have my fleeting crush for him, it had disapeared that night.
After my final scrub down I was relaxed, and I thought clearly. I text him, telling him I would be his friend if he wanted, and that was it. The next day everything was how it was before, we were friends again.
Later that day he talks about him asking out another girl, he had talked about he before, how he felt wierd he flirted with her more than me, I wasnt surprised, I might have saw it coming. I told him I thought they would be good together, I liked her, she was a friend, not close, but still a friend. He said maybe on opening night of the school play, the play that all of us were involved in.
The day after he asked if we could get back together, so fast, his mind was changing, I said no, maybe next year. He also said he couldn't ask out the girl, too soon, it might have made me smile, I don't remember.
Halfway throught break we all take a trip to the city. Its fun, a day of videogames and pizza, I didnt find it awkward. My friends dog him, they thought he was gonna ask me out again, they didnt know of our discussion. I didn't care, I thought it was funny.
We had texted alot that week, not as much as before, but enough as I do any other friend. The last days roll around, he is going to a concert, I'm jealous because I wanted to go to it. He text me there, giving me updates and such, and then he stops. I find out after he saw her there, and he asked her out, she said yes.
Its back to school for us and I sit next to him first period, and she sits behind us, I feel ignored. I talk to my friends, blocking it out, and am generally happy. I thought it was just a phase of his, I could see how he would feel weird. But it really wasn't a phase, it didn't get better, he only ignored me more and more. I didn't feel like his friend anymore, he didn't stick to his word.
Life goes on and I tell people we broke up, they didn't think it would happen, they couldn't beleive how fast he had moved on. I shrugged it off, though everytime I felt a little worst.
The play rolls around, it comes and goes, with me watching them being so close, I found out they had kissed, we had been together four months, never once, he said he was too scared. Everyone knew we had been together, they had seen us at earlier practices, and now he was with her, I don't think they knew what to do, as though they had to pick sides.
It had been fun, helping with the play, but it was over for maybe a week, I had given up hope on being friends with him again. Then he texts, out of the blue, a simple "sup" and I got back a little hope. I text as though nothing had happened, I can usually forgive and forget.
But he has alterior motives, he says someone told him I was mad at him during the play. I truely couldnt remember, it had been a hectic week, I dont even remember talking to the person who told him. He thought I was lying, and continued to tell me that he didn't want me mad at him. I didn't see why, he didn't even talk to me. He kept asking for me to just tell him ,it was annoying me horribly, he said he didn't want to do it again. I told him he sounded like he was still my boyfriend, he thought it meant I was jealous. I said I wasn't, just saying that she wouldn't like it, I had gotten over it mostly by then, only a pang now and then. After he believed me, and just stopped talking, no goodbye or nothing, I dont think someone is a friend if they don't say goodbye.
It was maybe minutes before I relized why we had that short conversation, he still wanted to go out with me, I had said next year, but his chances wouldn't be good if I was mad at him. I think I hated him for a minute, he was with her, but wasn't committed as I thought. It was then when I decided I am not going out with him again, I had fully gotten over him then, I was free.
Now I look at all of these things I find out how horrible that all played out. It was almost everything a breakup shouldn't be in my eyes, yet it played out that way, though I tried to make it right. I'm now glad he broke up with me, I do not hate him, but he is not my friend, I dont think I can be. If I do become a friend again, I will never look at him the same, true colors that were not shown before had flashed before my eyes, they were things that I didnt want in any close friend.
Maybe it could have gone better, maybe I'm glad it didn't, for now I'm happy with life, maybe more than I was with him. but all these maybes will do no good, because it happened, and its now the past, just another memory not to think about.
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